No Good For No One Now

I am disillusioned, I have trouble finding faith in anything now
Where and when did everything become so convoluted and unbearable?
I can't find anything that brings me contentment here anymore
Who did this to me, and why did this happen now?
I'm having trouble sleeping. Too angry, too caught-up in thinking, too dissatisfied with everything
I'm detached, I'm a fraud, I'm not anything I want to be

I'm sorry for all the things I have or haven't done

But I don't care about what you think anymore

-To everyone who thought I was something that I'm not

"I never asked to be nobody's nothing" - Owen

When You Thought You'd Never Stand Out

If there was ever a person
ever a person that has created such a movement in me
it's you.


"Didn’t I see you when you thought you’d never stand out? Didn’t I find you?" - Copeland

You Have My Attention

Sometimes life works in the strangest of ways. Sometimes things happen so out of the blue and so unannounced that it often catches me off guard. Sometimes these things can be great, other times they're not so great, and sometimes they fall in a gray area where it's not put into a category yet.

So you're back and I'm still trying to decide what category you belong in.

I like consistency, I like knowing that I mean something, I like feeling that you're not going to be gone again the next day.

I don't know what you're expecting, I don't know what you're doing, and I don't know what you want

I hate you, I love you

"You pull away and draw me in. I wanted you. You wanted more."- Jawbreaker

Nowhere doing nothing with nobody

Haven't written a blog in a while, decided now could be a good time. Although, as of now I'm finding it hard to process my thoughts and put them into a cohesive whole. Anyways, it's been a weird few weeks. Can't put my finger on the word I would use to describe it, but I'm going to go with enlightening for lack of a better word or words to put it in. I can't help but feel like at some point I made a wrong choice and ended up in a place that, as of now, I'm really not happy in. Not really quite sure how it got this way. I'm not depressed nor am I angry with anyone, but at this point I get no real satisfaction out of anything. Also, it's weird how around certain people, people can change so much even if it is subconsciously, and specifically for me this proves to be pretty detrimental for some of the relationships I find myself in. I also am having reoccuring thoughts of embarassing situations from my past, I don't really know what's up with that, but it's beginning to become a problem.

Keep thinking to myself something good is gonna happen soon. Ready for something to change.

"Send your words past your lips, or keep them safe behind your teeth"- Brand New

Highlight

Last weekend I went to Chicago two of my very good friends and that weekend will most likely be the highlight of my summer. Just experiencing city alone made all the painful walking, and the incredibly uncomfortable bus rides worth it because now I have some idea of what the city will be like if I am to live there. But in addition to that I got to share that experience with great friends of mine and am really glad we all did that. We went to the Ace Enders and a Million Different People show which was probably one of the most fun shows I've been to in a long while. Also, we saw the new modern wing at the Art Institute of Chicago which is really nice and had a lot of good art. And throughout the whole weekend there was just a lot of walking and shopping and what not.

There really is no words to articulate how different the life I live, in the suburbs of St. Louis, are from the city life in Chicago. One of the best experiences of my life,



"I really think for once that I can change. It's really not that bad. I'm learning now that I was wrong in everything and that's the reason why I think that I can grow."- The Dangerous Summer

Surprise!

The strangest occurences have happened over the past few days. People have been just so surprising lately and I can't help but share it with all of the zero people that actually read this blog. It's just been so weird that people that I normally would not count on or don't even come to for anything have actually pulled through and really made an effort to something in my life. In addition to that other people that I normally would have counted on and really trusted have really let me down. So thumbs down to that. It really is kind of sad, but also good so that at least for the time being you can see a person's character. In any case life is too short to hold grudges. So if someone reads this and thinks this is about them, it is probably about you. I don't hate you though and I'm not mad, just a little surprised.

“For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Helping Hands

You know, lately I find that I've been helping a lot of people with their problems. Which I think is awesome that they can confide in me and this is by no means an entry slamming them. Friends to me have always been the most important thing in my life, because they're really all I have to look to for comfort and quite literally all my friends have shaped me into what I've become even if it isn't a direct interaction that has affected me. My parents are great and they provide for me and all, but there is a generation and culture gap between us so talking to them can be a struggle (not because of language problems just because their life was so different) so I've always had to rely on my friends which goes back to that thank you note again and especially one of my good friends who really sort of validated me in middle school. This even gave way to a sort of reputation I have now which I guess allows me to bypass things that would otherwise be unacceptable and has people saying "It's okay, you're JoshLee" which I'm not even sure what that is supposed to mean or how that even came about. So if anything this is the least I can do to repay them somehow and if anything this is how I want to be known, as the person that they can always come to, it is kind of strange to me though. I keep asking myself why me? and why now? and again if you feel this has any relevance to you don't feel discouraged to talk to me about stuff I AM ready and willing to help. It's just strange to me because sometimes the people that ask me for help comes from people I really don't even know too well, maybe I just exude some trustworthy feeling. who knows. Also, sometimes I really don't even want to help some people, as selfish and cold-hearted as that is, sometimes their problems just come at very bad times. However, strangely I find myself caring less and less about my own problems and life and instead many of their problems remain stuck in my head. Maybe its for the best, I guess things will become more apparent later.

Really can't complain about anything right now, Life is too good. And again if you are reading this and think that some of this is about you. Please don't feel like I'm tired of talking to you.

Just getting some thoughts out there

"Maybe we, care about too much, time we lost in in spite we run, that night, but you know i'm wrong" - I Can Make a Mess Like Nobody's Business

Fake Empire- The National

I've been obsessed with this band lately so I figured I'd post the song that I got my blog's title from on here

hopefully I don't get in trouble for this

http://sharebee.com/aaf71b3e

Thank You All

I find myself in a weird mood right now probably because of listening to some nostalgic music and the scale of boredom I find myself in right now. Anyways, I'm going to take this opportunity to just make a wide general thank you note. The first real instance that sticks out in my mind is in 7th grade where I became best friends with a group of guys (the close friendship has slowly deteriorated sadly) who introduced me or at least indirectly to many of the people I am closest with today. Also, one of the guys who is still a pretty good friend of mine really started my interest in music and to him I will always be grateful. Next, I'd probably say that this one girl had an influence on me just because she basically crushed me and actually really changed me as lame and cliche as it is to say that, but she really helped me find out things about myself. After that a whole slew of things happened in my life. Probably the most influential person in my life is one of my now very good friends whom i met through a mutual creepy girl actually. Anyways he is the biggest reason as to why music has become such a large portion of my life because he showed me 'the ropes' if you will to the industry and through him I found all the music that means something to me. There was also this one girl that changed my views on people and relationships but that's a long story for another time.

As cheesy and cliche as that was I felt like i needed to get that on somewhere just so that I won't forget these things and take these people for granted. Of course, this isn't everything that has shaped me in some way, but mostly the things i can remember well enough to put down. It's clear to me that although some friendships won't last forever, the impressions that people leave can stay with you.

ps. Despite me being bored all day this day has slowly become the best day of my life, because via twitter Megan Fox told me she loved me. Phase 2 of my plan to get her is in its planning stages now hahah



"Walk away now and you're gonna start a war" - The National

Thanks J-Fold

I suppose I should give Jared Foldy some credit for interesting me in creating this blog that will most likely be neglected at some point in the near future. Also, I will be thanking Jared again for telling me to get the Future of Forestry Ep- Travel because it is pretty sick. Absolutely captivating music. Today also marks the start of my plan to get Megan Fox via twitter, we'll see how that works out



Other than that it has been a boring day hopefully something happens later tonight.

ps- Thank you to my dear my friend Julia S. for taking that awesome picture that is used for my title...hopefully she wont mind me using it without asking

"This is fact not fiction for the first time in years" -Death Cab for Cutie (it will be my thing to end posts with a quote or lyric)